2nd Thingyan Day

April 14th, 2006

I wanted to some translations for kdramas I’ve watched during the holiday so I saved some of the drama summaries on a diskette and I left it at work. I don’t know why I have such poor memory. If I’m doing something, I forgot another. I probably might not have time to do them when I get back to work.

It’s another Thingyan day. The kids are having fun outside. Someone gave mote lone yay paw to our house. My mother said we aren’t going to make any mote lone yay paw. At least I can eat from the neighbors. I got scolded today for placing photo stands at the new cupboard ‘cuz it was located near the stairs and I’m not supposed to do so. I am not one of those kinda of person who are superstitious at all. All I know is that we have a couple of photo stands which are only placed in the family room ‘cuz there was no place for them downstairs. What’s the point of photo stands when nobody’s going to look at them? Nobody bother to wipe the dust off them except for me. I got 2 photo stands in my room but I just place them there to decorate my room. There’s not much to decorate anyway. My room is just pretty plain, still decorated with boxes. I am sick of boxes. I have 2 big boxes which are full of toys and dolls which I’ve bought when I was a kid. I spent my Christmas money on them and as soon as I bought them, they were placed in the boxes, kept away from me. Now I’m too old to be playing with toys and they are still in the boxes. I got 3 small boxes near my bed which are full of books from university. I told my mother that I want to get rid of them but she said you should keep them to look back when you get older. Why would I want to look back at those books from UDE anyway? It’s not like I learned much. I can’t remember what I was taught in UDE and I’m just graduated last year. I swear I’m going to sell those books back to those Indian men who buy used books. At least I should make use of those books which I had paid for during my days in UDE.

As I have nothing to do when the electricity went out, I read “The Genetic Code” by John Case. I still haven’t finished it ‘cuz the electricity came back on at 7pm and I’m writing for my blog now. Even though I was reading a book, my mind was on my days in US since I went to US in April 2005. I’m thinking about my friends and my school life. I thought about writing in essays for English classes and competitions but now if I’m asked to write an essay, I can’t even think of what to begin with. Back then, I can easily write a 2 or 3 page essay within 30 minutes to an hour depending on the topic and I always get good grade for them, either a B or an A- .But ever since I took the 10^th grade exam in Myanmar, my English skills were put away ‘cuz I have to write to please the teachers who would grade my paper and even my handwriting had to be changed from cursive to normal handwriting which look childish. I’m trying to write in cursive but I am not used to it anymore. I wish I have kept records of my school papers and books but I only have a book for Pre-Algebra, Spanish and a journal, which I had to write in 8^th grade. I didn’t like having to write it and having my teacher reading my thoughts but now I’m thankful that I have that book ‘cuz I can now read back my thoughts. I was just a normal teenager whose mind was focus mainly on pop music such as BSB, N’ Sync, 5ive, etc, books and Dawson’s Creek. I didn’t keep a copy of my essays and term papers and I only kept them in my computer, which broke down, and the hard disk was replaced a few years later.

My school was a mix up of black and Hispanic and some Asian students, which are mainly Vietnamese, and 3 Burmese, Laos, Indonesian and a Filipino. There were hardly white people at school. I didn’t really fit in with the black and Hispanic students so I always hang out with the Vietnamese kids and a Romanian girl. We, Asian wee always at the top of the class and most of us got honor rolls in our report cards. School wasn’t really that hard to keep up with and some of the classes were quite easy for us like Algebra. I was like a funny student whose eyeglasses were so thick like magnifying glasses thanks to my dear relatives who sent them from Ygn. I was always being made fun of for being an Asian, a smarty pant, my glasses, a crybaby, etc. Nobody was interested in me except to let them copy from my homework. I spent most of my free time in school reading books when I have nobody to talk to and my friends were occupied with themselves. Even thought I had to go thorough my life like that, I still miss my school and my friends who don’t keep in contact with me at all. I still remember their birthdays while I can’t remember the birthdays of my current friends I’m hanging out with. I feel that I was much happier in US than right now. Now I’m just a boring person whose only specialty is in kdrama according to my friends. I don’t know how to have fun with my friends at all.

I still don’t fit in with the environment even thought I have been living here for 6 years now. I’m still not used to my friends holding my hand when we are walking side by side, being ask to go with them to the bathroom together (why can’t they go alone?), being talked like I did something wrong when I went to a place alone, being ask to treat them on my birthday. I mean why do I have to feel obligated to treat them rather than celebrating my birthday with them. It’s not that I don’t want to treat them but I don’t want to feel pressured about it. Back in the states, when my friends’ birthdays were approaching, I could only think of giving them birthday cards. Since I didn’t have money, I could only give them cards and only give presents to my best friends. It was alright with me if they didn’t treat me anything. It just makes me happy to wish them a happy birthday. I still can’t adjust to this life in Ygn. I used to have so much freedom in my thoughts also. I used to speak as I wish..(I still do but my speech is polite now). Now if I want to talk about something improper, I have to use words like ‘ho din…ho har…”.I’m quite glad for this blog ‘cuz I can write all my thoughts without having my conversations cut off or the subject changed. Sometimes I can’t even have conversation with my friends ‘cuz I’m not interested in what they are saying and they aren’t interested in mine. How can I be interested in what they are saying why they are gossiping about political situation, rumors, celebrities? How can I listen to them when they are speaking ill about people they don’t’ even know? I don’t like to speak ill of celebrities like they hang on those rich people and suck the money from them. I don’t give a damn about it anyway.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say was what frustrate me the most is that I can’t speak English nor write English properly now. Even my writing style now is pretty much like my old journal posts, childish ‘cuz I couldn’t come up with better words. I’m attending English classes on the weekends to improve my translation but I’m being bored to death attending those classes and I can’t discontinue the classes ‘cuz my parents want to attend it. What’s the point of attending a class where the teacher only teaches reading comprehension? I still haven’t got much to the part of translation and having to attend a grammar class is even worse. I may know how to write in English but I hate having to writing according to those grammar rules applied in Myanmar. I asked my parents whether I should attend British Council or American Center but they just said what are you going to do after attending those expensive classes and I can’t answer them. My father said why you are going to still attend classes at this age while others who don’t even know half of what you know are making money teaching English. I can’t teach kids. I don’t know how to and I’m pretty impatient with kids. I can even imagine myself getting into fights with them. Some people suggested going abroad to study but I still don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can get out of the country even if I want to and I don’t want to bother my parents. I’m not the only child and there’s still my sister who wants to go to US and my brother who wants to attend animation classes. I rather have him go abroad than me.

hah…even as I’m writing this in Microsoft word, there were little green lines indicating that my grammar is wrong. It’s Thingyan and I should be thinking of positive things rather than negative stuffs and being depressed about it.

My post is pretty long now and I’m still not finish. I’ll continue writing tomorrow. My brother will be using the computer soon and I better start watching those movies I borrowed from my friends.

~ by madyjune on April 22, 2006.