I really don’t know. I guess I am really just a selfish person. Sometimes my brother tries to pick a fight with me by saying that I am not a loyal friend ‘cuz I’m too selfish. I like meeting my friends but I don’t want to talk about my private life with them. I don’t like to explain about my personal life in details. I am sometimes pestered by a friend who asks me useless questions about my co-workers and some online friends which she has met a long time ago. I told her I lost contact with them but I guess she doesn’t remember them ‘cuz she repeats the same questions again when she gets on the subject. Just a few days ago, I was trying to explain about my work to another person and in the end, I felt really tired ‘cuz she expected me to be a professional. I told her it’s not my profession but I couldn’t answer her what I want to do. Why do I have to being pestered by these questions anyway? I am really tired and I don’t remember recalling any conversations in which we all talk about something we are all interested in? It’s always about their personal life or my life which I don’t want to discuss.
My friends probably think I’m just jealous when I see them hanging out other friends but that’s not really true. I don’t like being expected to become friends with strangers just because they are my friends’ friends. When I want to meet my friends, I only want to meet them, not some other friends they brought along. It’s the same thing when I meet with my online friends. I don’t’ want to bring my friends along when I meet them. I don’t expect to become friends with each other as well ‘cuz we have different interests and we like to discuss topics which would bore my friends.
I do have a number of close friends but I don’t really know much about them. I don’t know their family, their friends, their works, etc. I believe that it’s just unnecessary to know about them ‘cuz I’m just meeting them, not their family, relatives or co-workers. A few days ago, they asked me about my sister and I tired my best to not look impatient when I said I don’t know. They said why not, you should know, you guys live in the same house. I don’t even her company’s’ name or what kind of work she has to deal with. If they wants to know about her, they can just ask her directly and don’t’ expect me to answer on behalf.
So when I don’t know personal info about my close friends or even my own sister (but I do know a bit know), I barely know my online friends beside their nickname and their faces or their avatars. Sometimes I even forgot their face but when they come to greet me, all I had to do was smile, reply back with a greeting while trying to figure out their nickname in my head. I must assure you through, this doesn’t happen quite often 🙂 I only know about their interests, their forum posts or their blog posts. It’s not necessary for me to know more and I don’t want to be called a nosy person so even when I want to know, I rarely ask them as I respect their privacies.
My friends expect me to consult with them when I have troubles and they usually do the same with me. I just listen to them but most of the times, I am unable to comment back ‘cuz I was lost in words. If it was in my case, I usually take out my stress by blogging so I had nothing to say to them. I guess they also expect me to tell me if I’m meeting someone but if I really was, I wouldn’t tell them till we became a couple but I probably won’t even want to introduce him till they bugs me to do so. It’s my just nature to stay quiet about it. If I have problem with my love life, I would probably seek comforts from online friends but I probably won’t say much to them. I know they would probably say I am being mean again if they read this and that’s the reason why I chose to write in English only. Sometimes I wish I haven’t’ revealed my online id to them.
Sometimes through, I felt isolated from other people and it’s probably because of my nature towards my friends and other people.