One of my big weakness is that I like to help others, but most of the times I get used by these people. I volunteered to do something for a few people, but all of them expect me to do that thing for them. Excuse me for being secretive, but I don’t want to explain in detail because I am afraid that ‘they’ will find out after reading my post. It’s better to keep in good terms with everyone even thought I am not happy with their requests.
I think I once wrote about how people take advantages of me. So, please excuse me if I’m repeating the same things again. I like to help people, but I hate being taken for granted. For instance, we are assigned to do presentations in groups and I was asked to represent my group. Fine, I have no problem with that, but I do have problems with the rest of the members not participating in the work. I really thought that ever since I finished my ELTM course, those troubles of me always bearing the responsibilities for submitting assignments and doing presentations while others are absent from class. I am really disappointed this time. It’s not really a difficult presentation, but I want others to participate, to help me, not just leave the responsibility up to me. I’m really starting to hate the phrases “It’s up to you.” or “Do whatever you like.” From now, I will start to refuse when I’m asked bear the responsibilities.
Here, I would like to write about one person who I would refer to as A. I have been trying very hard to be really patient with a, but sometimes I am on the verge of losing my temper. I swear, we are not in kindergarten, we are not in state school, we are all mature adults attending a M.A course for Christ’s sake. I really dislike A for always copying my notes – whatever I highlight in the textbook, even whatever I scribble in the margins. If A had asked me to explain instead, perhaps I might be willing to explain, but I have absolutely no patience for a person who don’t study at home, take down notes when the teacher is explaining and expect to copy from me later on. No, I hate such kinds of behaviors. Okay, maybe I am a little better in English than A or others, but that does not make me any special or different from them.
Even when we are supposed to be taking tests, A would constantly bother me by asking me questions and sometimes looking at my paper. The last time, I didn’t even finish one of my tests because of A. It’s really ironic that A managed to finished most of the questions while I was left behind, feeling extremely annoyed for being interrupted.
You might say why do I bother with A? I can just moved my seat to some place else. Yes, I can do that, but I don’t know how to do that without hurting A’s feelings. (A is like a big child and very sensitive.) Sometimes I want to laugh at myself because I’m acting like the students in my weekend class. They would often come up to me and tell tattletales about their classmates. There are two girls who often bicker about one looking at another’s paper or one placing an elbow on another’s desk (Yes, I also have that problem with A.) And yet, they are on good terms with each other and they always sit together, no matter how much they bicker. So, taking the examples from my students, I always try to swallow down whatever I want to say and just ignore A, although it’s pretty difficult in most situations. I can try to tolerate A, but I don’t consider A as my friend, even when A considers me as a friend. I know about the phrase, “You don’t choose your friends, your friends choose you”. But, call me cruel, but I prefer to be friends with people who are smart, intelligent, and have admiring qualities. I especially treasure those who are good to me and think of my behalf.
Actually, I started writing this post because I was angry at another person, but I won’t discuss in details anymore, except to say that it is related to a memory stick which I lost at the cybercafe yesterday.
(Perhaps this is a punishment for me for overusing the bandwidth limit by downloading so many songs yesterday. Now, I have to buy a new USB disk :(. I don’t earn much from work and I always seem to spend more than what I earn (lately due to buying Korean performances DVDs). Thank god that I didn’t have any personal files in that USB stick (except for some photos), just songs and download links. Even so, I would have to download all those songs again especially Suju’s 4th album, which I still haven’t listened to yet 😦 )
So, overall, I conclude that people don’t care much about me as I do. No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough. Most of them are just inconsiderate people who only cared about themselves and their friends, but not me. I have more to say, but I will stop now because I don’t want to offend them even thought they offended me several times.